Why Is It So Hard?

Things are really starting to become clear to me, yet recovery still eludes me.  Why is it so hard?  I know the answer, I don’t think I know, I KNOW the answer on how to recover yet it doesn’t make recovery any easier.

I know that negative thoughts make me feel worse.  Make me feel physically ill.  Yet I can’t stop.  I guess I should start doing my CBT exercises again.  I am getting better at it but I tend to look at it in black & white terms.  My doctor on the other hand takes a different view of it.   He always says things like “well, these bad thoughts used to come every minute and now they come every 5 minutes, thats progress.”  Which he is right, it is a progression but to my mind its either there or not, its hard for me to appreciate the progress I’ve made towards recovery.