The Craziness of Anxiety
The most frustrating thing about anxiety is that your mind doesn’t stop questioning, doesn’t stop the what ifs and that includes questioning anxiety itself. I wonder at times if mentally I would be stronger if I had something like diabetes. I would listen to the doctor, accept the diagnosis and make a plan to control the disease and live my life.
I look at my sister, who has a chronic illness that requires daily attention, I can’t imagine how she does it, she lives, she flies all over the country, she has fun. I think, I would be locked in my room but that is me, that is the anxiety. She doesn’t have anxiety, she has an illness she is dealing with.
The problem with anxiety is you are never sure. Do I really have anxiety? Is anxiety a real illness? Is this really happening to me? What is this? As anxiety sufferers we can’t even accept our own diagnosis and acceptance is a huge part of recovery no matter what the disease is.
From what I have read, the steps to recovery look something like this:
- Visit doctor, get tests.
- Receive a diagnosis
- Get referred to a mental health expert
- Get drugs (optional)
- Therapy
- Accept your diagnosis
- Recovery
You have to accept to recover. If you never accept, you will be in a perpetual cycle of anxiety creating anxiety. This weakens your already tired mind and body and the symptoms flood in. Racing heart, negative thoughts, fear of dying, dizziness, depersonalization, feeling out of it, off balance, scared, alone, and on and on. Can you see the vicious cycle? I know there are many time I can’t, once we are in it, it’s so hard to see anything else but own broken down selves.
I’m trying. I’m trying really hard but I still haven’t fully accepted but I need to find how to get there, some how.