The Summit

This weekend I have continued doing the things I have been doing, repetition is key. When I first started therapy, I struggled with the thought of having to do a task over and over again before I mastered it. For some reason, in my mind, once a task had been crossed off the list, I would be better.

I don’t know why this is logical, for someone recovering from knee surgery, just because they go to physical therapy one day and walk the stairs it doesn’t mean they are healed and are now 100%. However, my brain told me, once you go grocery shopping or once you sit down to a meal in a busy restaurant you will be cured.

I’ve had to learn from being knocked down many times that “doing it once” is not the magic bullet. Each day I’ve had to get up and face my fears, some days this was grueling, others I hardly noticed my anxiety at all.

So this weekend I have been grocery shopping, out to breakfast with my grandparents, played basketball with my son, went bike riding with my daughter and spent time cooking.

Last night I had a dream that I climbed one of the tall mountains that I can see from my front yard. As myself and a group of friends reached the base of the mountain, I informed them that I would be waiting for them at the bottom, in case anyone had to return, I would be there to keep them company. As my friends made their way around a corner and out of sight, I knew that I was holding myself back from something I really wanted to do, so I threw on my pack and with a burst of speed caught up to them. We climbed and laughed and enjoyed the beauty of nature that was all around us.

Soon we were standing on the summit of the mountain. We posed for photos, with the backdrop of the valley far below us. Not many words were said as I sat on the top of the mountain, looking out across the world but with that view, nothing needed to be.