A Backpack of Fear

For anyone who has gone on an extended hiking trip, caring a 50 pound pack on their back, can relate to the feeling that I had the other day. When you go for a long hike, caring a pack full of supplies, there is this near indescribable feeling you get as you slip the pack from your back as you walk into camp.

Last weekend, as I was having lunch at Costco with my family, I had the feeling that this pack, stuffed full of fears and worries and guilt and resentment and anxiety, was being lifted off of my back. I wish I knew what it was that was lifting this weight from me but the answer, when it comes to anxiety, is never really that simple.

The many months of therapy, exposure and hope is starting to really make a difference. As I have talked about before, I believe that the tension that I carry in my body, the tension created by anxiety, is a major factor in the physical symptoms that I feel, those symptoms create more anxiety which creates more tension, which creates more symptoms. As I began to face my fears, accept my illness and have hope, that tension slowly, over the course of about 6 weeks, began to lessen it’s tight grip on my body.

I still have many miles to go but I have hope and with hope, there is nothing I can not accomplish.