You Can't Shut Off the World

I have concluded that if I could shut off the outside world 50% of my problems would be solved, the other 50% would be solved if I could shut off the world inside my mind but then what am I left with, nothing more than the thing I fear the most.

My mind is very susceptible to outside stimuli, I can’t shut it off, I can take steps to avoid particularly bad influences on me but I can’t shut out everything, so part of recovery must be retraining my mind how to respond to outside stimuli.

The Problem

Today I was looking through a report of how visitors found my site. There was one entry where a visitor typed in the phrase “i feel dizzy brain cancer”. HOLY SHIT! How did this person find my site with that phrase? Instantly I felt the panic start to well up within my body. Wait a minute, I feel a bit dizzy myself. I better run to Google and search “what does a brain tumor feel like?” Ok, I’m getting more paranoid. Maybe I should search “stubbed toe dizzy tumor cancer brain”. What am I doing to myself? Am I willing to through away all the progress I’ve made over this one moment in time? I’ve got to stop this madness. I’m sure I can put in any sort of search in Google and if I search deep enough I’m bound to find at least one link that mentions the possibility of cancer.

The Solution

Interesting, someone found my site looking for “brain cancer and dizzy”, they must have the same fears that I have. I hope by reading my site they don’t feel so alone.