Look Back for Strength

I’ve been struggling for the past couple of days, mentally my mind is very clear, however I am having such strong urges to go online, perhaps to WebMD, to self-diagnose myself with some sort of chronic illness. So rather than do that, even though I want to very badly, I am going to list out things that have changed since I have been focused on recovery:

• When co-workers would come to my desk, I would have an overwhelming feeling of being trapped, my body would be bombarded with a feeling of being shocked. GONE!
• As I was scared to eat in a restaurant, I would bring my lunch from home, always a PB&J, everyday for lunch. NO MORE!
• When I started to go out to lunch, I began by going through drive-throughs, even this brought a sense of panic and sent me into a dream like state. GONE!
• I used to spend at a minimum, 6 hours a day researching horrible medical conditions that I could have. I’m fighting this one but right now have the upper hand.
• Sitting in my own living room watching TV would send me into a panic to the point where I would run to my room. NO MORE! I now enjoy being home, interacting with my family.
• Scared to overexert myself, I got in the habit and going straight to bed upon returning home from work. I know am much more active, exercising and just being alive.
• Scared to drink anything but water in the fear that it would set off a panic attack. Now I drink whatever I want in moderation.
• Avoided spending time with extended family, fear of driving to their homes. Still stressful but I’m doing it.

The list could go on and on, the important thing is to focus on the positive. It would be so easy to pick out one negative and let it outshine all the progress I’ve made but that would not be healthy, so I choose not to do it.